Breakdown to Breakthrough

NG-Herald08That was my first thought this morning and it took me back to this story. I went chasing the past and found stacks of old newspaper clippings of myself and my clients but this one was what I’d been after.
It came out a few days after I’d been afraid. Frightened enough to run and leave my children. Lost enough to know I didn’t know how to help myself but wise enough to ask others to help me.
It was actually quite funny at the time. I was safely reading the paper and the comments, answering emails from friends who wondered if I’d snuck off on a romantic jaunt.
It also signaled the end of a new life I was trying to create after my divorce. All my community and professional work mattered. My rep was in shambles and I couldn’t get work. But God wasn’t interested in my rep or brand building. He wanted me to stop being afraid. Stop running from my mistakes and my issues that I was covering up by focusing on other people, being busy, hiding behind caring for the kids.
It didn’t change overnight but it did. When I stopped caring what others thought about me, stopped acting like I had it all together, stopped pretending to be something I was not and leaned on my friends. It freed me to stand up for me and my children.
Most times I feel like a chicken but I long to know what would happen if I just followed this idea in my head.
I still have moments when the fear gets me and it makes me freeze and I chase my own tail, I speak but don’t follow through, I’ll talk without believing.
But it’s breakthrough time. I’ve already dived off the edge why not see if I can fly?
— feeling daring.

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