“Satisfied now?” That was the question I heard in my head as I looked at my reflection in the bathroom mirror.
Was I satisfied with the woman who was looking back at me? No I wasn’t.
She wasn’t looking very happy, her face was too round and there were inches on her waistline that weren’t there two years ago.
But the Holy Spirit asked again “Satisfied now?”
“You should be,” He continued. “This is how you’ve always seen yourself.”
He was right. Even as a little girl I had very poor self-image and who would know it since I was always smiling.
No I was not satisfied. I was disappointed. I’d worked my way into a body that I didn’t want to be in. The body I thought I’d always been living in. It had been a lie.
A lie I told myself. A lie of my own making. I lie that was never discounted by others. A lie fueled by my belief that I did not measure up to others.
Now that I look back at pictures of me as a child or even ten years ago, I was nowhere close to the size I thought I was in my head, in my heart. Even after having four children when I was sure that I was fat, I still was considerably smaller than I am now. The round cheeks that seemed to attract non-stop pulling up until my 30s were not a reflection of the size of my body but part of my bright smile. I couldn’t see that.
Bottom line, you will get what you see. Not in the mirror of your bathroom but the mirror in your mind. What you believe about yourself will manifest. Consciously and unconsciously you will make decisions to manifest this decision.
I came across this really good post showing through images how people see themselves. (Link at the end of the post)
You really do become what you feel and believe about yourself. Although you are aging, you do not need to adopt the belief that you are out of time and no longer able to accomplish the things you’ve longed to do. You are not out of time to start an exercise routine or adopt new eating habits. You can change what you believe about yourself.
How do you do that?
1. Remind yourself. You are fearfully and wonderfully made by a loving Creator. (Psalm 139:14)- I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Post this on your mirror and speak it out loud to yourself.
2. Know that you and everything about you matters to God. He has numbered every hair on your head. Even if you are now bald, he knows the sequence in which your hair fell out. Imagine that. (Luke 12:7) – And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.
3. If your weight is your issue invest in clothing that fit. You may be tempted to squeeze yourself into those too small jeans or wear big shirts to hide the folds but that actually enhances the fact that you are uncomfortable with your size and makes you look larger than you are. It makes little sense to say I will buy it in my former size and work my way into it. The clothes will remain as a marker that you are failing rather than be motivation. Wear your size and as you lose weight, buy clothes to fit.
4. Take a walk. Don’t decide just yet that you need to run a marathon if you’ve never even walked around your block. Start with a simple choice to move more. Dance if walking is not your thing. It is more important to start and then continue until it becomes a habit you do not want to stop. Good habits are not created overnight but require consistency and time. I confess, to starting and stopping many times. I am learning to mix my physical activity as I need the variety to keep me motivated and moving.
5. Believe in yourself. It doesn’t matter how much God loves you and wants the best for you. It doesn’t matter if everyone says you are great. If you do not believe it. Own it and Live it, you will always only see the negative image you have of yourself.
You are love always.
Nerissa Golden is an award-winning communications and business innovations strategist. The mother of four is the author of three books, including Truly Caribbean Woman’s Guide to Good Love. Follow her on twitter @trulynerissa.