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One of the scariest events in life is starting over. I don’t know that it gets easier no matter how many times you have to do it. In a world that is changing so fast, it’s like every day you are starting something over. I wish the scariest move in front of me was choosing to upgrade from a Blackberry to an iPhone.
I figure by now I should be a professional at this, but I keep getting stuck. Right now I’m at my own version of the muddy Jordan River at flood stage and I know I have the ability to cross over. I even know the path to take there, but it’s getting my foot to move, rather than sink deeper in the mud, which is my present location. I know this mud. It’s familiar.
I’ve been here resting for a while and I am used to it. Yes, it makes movement difficult, but this is now my mud. I know what it feels like when it’s hot and dry and when it’s wet and makes that sloshing sound. The manifestations of the great personal and professional plans I have been working on are on the other side of this river.
I already know that it will be better than here. Yes, more work but I am not afraid of work. I’m just scared. Scared because I don’t know who I will find over there? I don’t know who I will become. I am most afraid of not knowing how to be in a new environment. It doesn’t matter that I have a whole lot of friends cheering me on and believing in me, it’s just scary to be me right now.
As much as they encourage, they are not in my head. They don’t feel my heart about to jump out of my chest. I’m scared because all of my hopes are tied up in this move. I can’t afford not to succeed. I’ve made my checklist and checked it a thousand times, I know it will work. I can dream of nothing else. I am just plain old scared. More scared to succeed than to fail. Will I cut it as a single mother, business woman, and employer?
What am I going to do?
Do it afraid!
Nerissa Golden is the mother of four amazing children and lives on the island of Montserrat. She is the author of Truly Caribbean Woman’s Guide to Good Love and The Making of a Caribbeanpreneur: Strategies for Overcoming Fear and Building Wealth. Find more of her writings at www.trulycaribbean.net.