Today I had the strongest urge to be with an old friend but I resisted. I didn’t feel worthy. I’d so disregarded our relationship, handled it as trivial that there was no way I felt confident enough to approach her.
I haven’t been a good friend to writing.
Somehow I always seem too busy to attend to her and only seek her out when my soul is troubled and I feel at a loss for words. I didn’t want to see her because I can never lie to her. She always knows. I am never happy until I unburden myself to her.
Somehow she always knows what I am feeling and can manage to salvage my jumbled thoughts into recognizable sentences. Sometimes they have the added benefit of helping others when I choose to share her.
I felt ashamed because I needed her so badly but didn’t want to turn to her for fear of her feeling used and refusing to entertain my company. But I had no choice, I needed her. Needed her words, the gentle way she would get them to come forth and bring relief to my mind. Writing. It has a power that I don’t even have when I speak.
In an effort not to bother her, I turned to the telephone. Racking up phone my bill trying to clear my spirit. Talked on Facebook and my Blackberry but no relief.
I stalled, thought of several other “important” things that needed to be done but its as if everything was conspiring against me and pushing me to go and see my friend. Eventually, I gave up my pride and approached. Humbly, waiting, hoping, she would say something. I wasn’t going to edit her, just let her speak. Let her free me like she always does.
Had to confess to her and declare my constant need for her friendship, her words that free my mind…bring release from guilt and calm a troubled spirit. Writing makes broken hearts feel better, dries tear-stained cheeks and brings resolution to unanswered questions and laughter at the most unexpected times.
You know, she didn’t even bat an eye. Released her words and wisdom as if she’d been drowning in them and was longing to see me too. All is forgiven and I promised not to stay away so long. I need to be as faithful friend and writing has been to me.