by Truly Caribbean Woman
I can hear the conversation well. My former husband telling me that my priority had to be him and his child and not church and my other social obligations. It was a sign of my success as a wife if I could manage to keep the house clean, laundry done and pressed, food ready, and a happy baby and man.
Props for all the women who have this on lock. I have never managed to accomplish this without ending up injuring some part of my body or just stressed out from feeling like a failure. What ended up happening, was that I dropped church and all of my other social obligations and became a recluse attempting to be a happy homemaker. I was miserable and sucked at it!
A superwoman I am not and any references or impressions to the contrary must be quickly silenced.
I wonder if we put the same pressure on our men to take care of their yard first, if they would? I’m talking about the men who feel they are performing a national and global relief effort to keep as many women as they can on the side. The excuse I get and most recently as last night, is “that things aren’t always what they seem. Yes I live with a woman but she and I aren’t sleeping together and maybe it will take a woman like you to help me move on.”
Please! There is nothing appealing about that. A woman still wants a man courageous enough to make a clear decision and action. I am turned on my a man who knows what he wants and then will go get it and that includes not walking around with loose ends. Not someone who wants to use me or put one woman against the other for their attention.
Fellas, if you don’t have the courage to fix the relationship you have at home do us all a favor and move on. You already know there are more of us than you, so the fear of being without a woman for too long, shouldn’t be an issue. Its just not necessary for you to string us along.
I know you will say, “its not as simple as that.” It never is. A woman choosing to leave a man or a marriage is never simple either but most often she makes the choice to leave and then does the work to follow through. The work includes the divorce, moving out, the emotional and physical well-being of her children, starting over, finding a job, mending a broken heart and dusting off forgotten dreams.
I have found that men are very comfortable leaving stuff undone when it comes to relationships. They can manage to do it on the job but when it comes to fixing the heart stuff at home, they will leave it there and hope it gathers dust. Fellas, here is a clue by the time we actually walk out the door, we’ve already been gone. Its really late then to try and mend it, because our hearts were already turned off long before and because you were too busy running around saving all the lonely women from themselves, you didn’t notice we were gone.
Fellas, we don’t want to be the security blanket you use as a crutch.
We don’t want to be the excuse you give the other woman about “things not being right at home.”
We don’t want to be viewed as a charitable duty because we get your “time” every other week.
We want and we deserve to be the first thought on your mind.
We want and deserve to be the woman you place all of your energy into.
We deserve to be honored enough to be chosen.
We deserve for you not to stick your fists or your negative words in our faces.
We deserve for you to take the time to be with us, not so you can get extra points for being ‘a real man” but because you genuinely want to be in our company.
We deserve to have answers to the questions we ask and actions on the things that concern us.
We deserve your willingness to do what is necessary to make us feel emotionally and physically safe with you.
We deserve for you to respect the sisterhood by not putting us in the position of thinking the other woman is our enemy or competition.
We deserve for you to love yourself enough to want a love that will stand strong and consistent.
We deserve for you to honor our future by making it be more than repetitions of our past.
We deserve for you to do the work to get your libido in check, your heart and your head right so we can build families and nations that will be unstoppable.
We deserve your love.