Two words that I would probably never use to describe myself are consistent or committed. Not necessarily because I am neither of the two but I don’t think I have mastered either enough to list them as a part of me.
I know my lack of commitment stemmed from growing up as a Preacher’s Kid and moving every couple of years, not to a new house but to a new island, new school, friends, languages, the works. After one too many good byes to a best friend, I just gave up on opening myself totally to anyone because I couldn’t handle the pain of always feeling like a major limb was missing whenever we had to move. Always friendly and never friendless but it was years before I would get to the place where I had a best friend that I did not fear losing. She lives half way around the globe now and we have only spent a total of three months in the same location in the ten years we’ve been friends.
Consistency was not my middle name. Just look at my handwriting. Half the time its in cursive, a quarter in script and the other unintelligible. My creative side demanded that I have lots of different irons in the fire but over time it meant I was a Jill of many trades and a mistress of none. I craved consistency and it eluded me even while married. We were constantly moving, constantly starting over. I remember once telling a friend I wish I had old china in my cabinets like she did and looking forward to adding or replacing pieces.
Life just seemed consistent only in one way, lots of stops and starts, here and theres, nowhere, everywhere.
But like life, growth doesn’t happen overnight. Me becoming more consistent or committed didn’t happen just because I wanted it to. It was choosing to get up each day and keep moving, working on a dream, being open to start new friendships and maintain old ones. In a continued pursuit of God in my life, I have found that He continues to provide opportunities for me to grow in these areas. My flaws are no surprise to Him and He knows how long it will take before they become character traits I will be proud to have.