Lately, I’ve been going through a very selfish phase. Definitely a “What about me?” moment that has lasted way too long.
The last nine months has been a time of transition and separation for me and the one thing I have been craving more than a coca cola has been the need for friends. Thing is I got plenty. I have the ones that I can text or call infrequently and we are still cool, the ones I can pour my heart out to about whatever I am feeling and the ones that know how to make my day when I least expect it. Yet still, I’m craving more.
It hasn’t helped that most of these friends are spread all around the globe and the ones close by all have lives of their own, which mean we don’t connect like we used to. Although I understand all of that it hasn’t lessened my desire for more contact with them.
Like anything in life, the more you yearn for something, the more it seems to be pushed further away. And I’ve gotten desperate in recent times and literally, said “Can I be your friend?”
Last night as I read my children a bedtime story, we discussed Jesus being invited to a rich man’s house and his comments regarding how the people kept posturing to sit near the head of the table. Jesus told them that a better idea would be that they sat in the furthest spot and then the head guy would invite them to sit next to him, rather than to be asked to vacate the seat for someone more important.
Jesus went on to talk about the fact we should always be ready to show ourselves friendly to those who are in need. Those who may never be in a position to pay us back and then God is obligated to reward us for this. I know that in theory but its time to put it into practice every day.
Rather than seeing the people I am asked to help as an interruption in my grand plan, I will see them as another opportunity to be a blessing. Growing up as a preacher’s kid, life was always about serving others. It was always seen as an obligation and so you never realized that it was a blessing to serve. Of course you were hardly ever recognized for the job you did and that added more to a desire just to go off and be selfish and say ‘What about my needs?” Now that my prayers are “break my heart with the things that break your heart, Oh God” a willingness to serve others regardless of the cost is vital. He continues to show me a world and people in that world who need the answer, which is Jesus. My job is to point them to Him. However, if I am more concerned about my needs, then the things that are important to God are not going to be my priority. It’s not that I don’t know that when I handle God’s assignment, He takes care of my situations. This is how, I’ve known Him to be for the past 10 years or more.
I am glad that God can use a children’s bedtime story to show me where my flaws are. I love Him enough to do something about it. My heart’s desire is not to miss the moments that God presents to me to serve others and to do it always with joy.