Open the door.
Sounds simple doesn’t it? But if you are like me then you are as scared of the dream coming in as you were to have the dream in the first place. I have always been a dreamer. I got accused of that in math class often. Instead of doing algebra, I was a CIA agent, or a fighter pilot, a doctor curing some disease, or a journalist covering a war in some far off part of the world.
I just wish back then I had known that the dreams I had could all come through if I dared to believe them. But now, I am not a teenager anymore and I my dreams are no less challenging. They have gotten bigger, but now they always include my passion, which is to change lives and tell them that Jesus saves. This passion is driving me to write music, books, film scripts, TV scripts, speak, organize events and just be the best mother that I can be. Anything that will get people to see that there is so much of life to be discovered and lived.
For the past six months, I have been dreaming the same dream and it is now on my doorstep, knocking asking to come in. I am scared. I am scared of what it will mean. I don’t know if I am ready to handle it. But God is telling me I am, and so I have to release this fear because it is rooted in pride. This is me wanting to protect myself, wanting to succumb to pain and doubt. I know that world well, as I have lived in it for more years than I have lived without it.
My sneakers are by the back door and it is very tempting to just ignore the knocks and go the other way. All this time, I am calling to the dream saying “Yes, hang on, I’m coming.” At the same time, eyeing the sneakers wondering if I should make a mad dash for them. Inside, I am pleading to the dream not to leave because I want to see it happen, but this time, I cannot be a fly on the wall. I have to dive into the dream and make it come to past. The dream requires I show up and live it. Everything my heart has been desiring for the past 10 years is knocking and they are anxiously awaiting my answer.
This is so terrifying. Can I really have it all? I have been accused of being crazy and always going overboard but I know no other way to live. The deeper the mess I get into, the bigger the God I see that comes to get me out. He has never failed me. To stay inside and not open the door, is to tell Him, “No, I don’t need you.” I would be confessing to God that He picked the wrong girl. He is calling me Truly Caribbean Woman, Daughter of the Most High and I am saying “who me?”
I am writing this today, because I want the dream. I am tired of dreaming and waking up before it finishes. I am tired of cheering on everybody and watching them come into their own and I am too afraid to claim mine. I am tired of being a bigger cheerleader of everyone else, and not believing in my own dream.
Yes, my passion is to motivate people but I can only do that when I can motivate myself.
As I close, I am heading to the door, turning the knob, letting out that breath I have been holding for the past ten years, smiling and saying “Come on in. I am ready to live the dream.”