I have always considered myself a person of great faith and that is just how I live. But in recent weeks, I found myself with many doubts and actually using the word “impossible.” It shocks my spirit everytime I hear it because it might as well be a cuss word. But yet, that is the word that pops into my mind and on my lips when I think of some of the plans and dreams that God lays on my heart.
God is not surprised however, because He knows my limitations and this summer I have been forced to admit that what is ahead of me cannot be accomplished with only my human abilities. This calls for work of a higher order and power and God is the only one for the job.
It does not come easy to me to admit that my faith is being tried and found wanting. But I rejoice because God has chosen this time to increase my faith, which equates to a reduction and eventual elimination in fear.
As I read the word and search for the answers, I begin to understand where the increase in fear that has overshadowed my summer comes from. I fear the unknown, the destinations being charted that I do not know how to get to on my own. (Plain English = Control Freak) The journey ahead was not designed for me to go it alone. I may still be on it without another human but the Spirit of God has to be the companion of choice.
I had to admit last night that the thought of losing my friend to breast cancer was a major fear. Although she is on her way to recovery, I realize that she is the first person I have been close to that is dealing with a challenge of this magnitude. In my own inadequacy of not knowing what to say or do as she is far away, I allowed the fear of her loss to diminish my ability to even see all of the good now coming forth.
What a blessing it has been to renew an acquaintance made with a college buddy since 1992. To know that we have both grown and are now able to impact each other’s lives has been awesome. I feared losing a new friend and was missing out on the miracles that she was living each day.
Fear makes us miss the miracles and when we miss the miracles we miss God.