If you do not wrestle the demons before a new relationship begins, you are only going to attract a mate that will ensure that you face those same demons again.
The web is full of lots of comments on who thought he was jealous of her success, etc. We can only suppose and so can I.
In light of all the discussions I wanted to take a moment to tell women and men that we have to be ready to do the work. My summer was spent wrestling with several demons of fear. I was overwhelmed with another level of fear that my ex would hurt me if I continued to speak about being abused. Although he apologized and confessed to me that what he did was wrong, he was also angry that I choose to speak. I began to allow his issues and pride to shut my mouth and it was too much to bare.
During the month of July, I prayed and fasted for one day each week, asking God to reveal to me the truth about my situation and to release me from the fear. I had to acknowledge the reasons that I had embraced him as a husband in the first place and to come back to a place of humility, accepting that I had attempted to help God out when He showed me what He wanted me to do. In my weakness and feeling totally unsuited for the job, I found someone who said they were willing and had the skills to get me where I wanted to go. And then I went no where. We moved an average of once a year, sometimes twice from island to island, country to country but nothing changed.
You can never run from God and sooner or later you have to come back to the place that He asked you to be. The abuse began and continued because I felt powerless but when I recognized that I was a willing participant in the relationship and had accepted the disrespect, the insults, the cheating and drinking, then only I could make the decision to change it. On a day I least expected it, we spoke about what went wrong and I looked at my ex and told him about the choices I had made and for all the wrong reasons. It seemed we had to different motives for the conversation but I did not let that deter me. It has allowed me to walk with my head held high and without the fear.
You have to take your power back. You have to be willing to get before God and just repent. Acknowledge your failures and your inability to do it alone. I have found that when I can humble myself before God, He just loves on me and counsels me. He always sends the people I need to get me through a challenge and then when I am alone, He lets me see because He has equipped me to walk the road alone.
It hurts to see my sister in pain and contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to go through pain to learn the lessons. If we are willing to study God’s word and seek His direction, He is perfectly capable of teaching us what we need to know about ourselves. The physical lessons such as abuse and exposure come because we missed the clues given from our intuition and then by our spirit. Physical pain and sickness only comes after we ignore the other signals that are internal. It is never God’s first wish to expose us to the world. It brings no glory to His name to have two of His children shamed in this way.
But then we know that what the devil means for harm, God can still turn for good and that we can rejoice. For if we choose to let Him do the work in our hearts, heal our mind and spirits, then He will be glorified.